Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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