hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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