tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
