He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
As shirtless as possible
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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