how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
