i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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