she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
