I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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