I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
