I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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