I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
