I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize