i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
