people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
