get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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