I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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