Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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