I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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