it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
