So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
