Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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