i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
