look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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