burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
