I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
