your parents love me but you hate me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
