she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
false alarm, still single
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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