the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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