Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
