so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
