and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Randomize
