apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
