she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
