both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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