you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
