Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize