Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize