So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
