Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
