Where is the hickey?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
