i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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