Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize