Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
