she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
