gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
