I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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