I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
