What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
