He asked to "fluff my boner.."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
