My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
