he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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