I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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