i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
