Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
