So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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