But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
