I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
