If that was your dad, he is hot
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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