my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
