Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
