she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
