i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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