listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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