i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
