He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
love makes seman taste better
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
