our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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