you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
