Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
they need to just BURY HIM!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Rumble strips road head = magical
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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