don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
