he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
