I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
