Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
