I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude i'm inner monologue high
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize