I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
