I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
