Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
