hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
BRING THE BAGELS
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
