I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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