wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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