do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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