I bet he comes in French.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He better not be in your backpack
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
