1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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