he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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