My nipple is on Facebook.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
