VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
