well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
