I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
