My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
