I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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