Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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