I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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