You can't motorboat a personality
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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