well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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