I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize