I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
This is the prime rib incident all over again
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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