I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
