You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
