Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
